Left Hand, Right Hand and Bump

June 8, 2007 jeansdream

Feel like creative writing today; yes I am telling a story. Warning: this is not a bedtime story to be told to children. Even some adults need other adults’ discretions.

Here goes:

The Brain tells the Right Hand to take care of the safety of the body, and tells the Left Hand to ensure the body is comfortable and healthy by delivering scratching service to the body parts.

Right Hand tells Left Hand: the Nose is my property – if you scratch it, you need my preapproved permission, and you can only scratch it no longer than 5 seconds; for every scratch, there must be a break of 10 seconds; you cannot scratch it for more than 30 seconds a day, and you can only use your flesh to scratch – absolutely no nail or use of any tool; after scratching, it can’t leave a mark; did you get that, Left Hand?

Left Hand goes: “Sure.” Left Hand, doing its job as assigned (to make the body comfortable and healthy), recognizes that the Bump supports the body so well and is a big fan of body’s work, so Left Hand initiated a special deal with the Bump : Left Hand actually “promoted” the status of the Bump from being a supportor to a privileged super supporter: the Bump got rewarded with a written agreement with Left Hand to receive its unlimited scratching service for 4 days and the Bump can enjoy unlimited scratching as it itches within these 4 days. Left Hand goes happily to scratch the Bump and also get some gadgets to help scratch the Bump. Needless to say, the Bump was very excited and was pleased.

The Bump, by receiving this unlimited scratching 4-day package, went out of the way to blog (yes, the Bump is a blogger!) about how the scratching went and also interviewed many other master minds of the invention of the scratching concept. Afterall, the scratching service was a great and entertaining creation of these master minds. And what did I mean “out of the way”? Well, the Bump slept over 4 hours for these 2 days, got his juice all fired up thinking how to help promote the scratching service to others so other fans of the body and in particular, this scratching service, can have get some glimpse of the coming-soon scratching service to them for pre-enjoyment! This actually promoted the loyalty of the body parts to the body. Both Left Hand and the Bump were proud of this “4-day unlimited scratching package” idea.

2 days later, Right Hand moved in from the side, with an axe, and chopped on the Bump. (Too disgusting to describe further…) The Bump was just dangling from the back, via a thread of skin from the body.

Left Hand was in total shock and of course the Bump was bleeding badly immediately!

Left Hand, asked Right Hand frantically: “What did you do?! What’s wrong with the Bump??”

Right Hand, “No one has ever scratched the Bump. To me, it has never been done. (Off the record) The Bump is ugly, it’s on the posterior of the body and no one will notice a bumpless person anyway. Most people just notice the front of the body, isn’t it? I don’t care how the posterior looks. Get it off my plate and then I have one less body part to patrol. Not my problem anymore. You go take care of it now. Go.”

Left Hand, “You only mentioned the rules for the Nose; you didn’t tell me I can’t scratch the Bump the way I thought appropriate! And do you really have to chop it?!”

Right Hand, “Yes I have to chop it because I am Right Hand and a Hand can do anything as long as the action is “in the name of the body safety” for my case. This unlimited scratching package is sensitive (or classified) and the itch is a threat to the safety of the body. Now I have chopped it so it can’t itch anymore. Off the record again, I’ve got no time to see if it’s normal itch or a threat itch!”

Left Hand, “But it’s just good scratching only…” (groan…)

Left Hand, in deep sympathy, brought a sterilized scissor to cut loose the Bump from the skin and accompanied the final fall of the Bump to the ground (oh my gosh…), “Thank you, Bump, but bye bye.”

Bump, confused, shock, disappointed and hurt, had to move on but was still thinking on how to help the Left Hand and the body to be a better person overall. He continued to squeeze time to blog on the scratching services.

Don’t ask me why the Left Hand didn’t defend the Bump, and if the Left Hand forgot that it’s actually a Hand, like the Right Hand, and a Hand, by deinition, can do a lot.


Entry Filed under: Getting to know each other

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